


The Cereal Exterminator

by kaithereal



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-02 23:28:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5267888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaithereal/pseuds/kaithereal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killing is a casual hobby for Do Kyungsoo</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Cereal Exterminator

**Author's Note:**

> the warning for violence is just a safety precaution, this fic is more crack than anything else

Do Kyungsoo is a notorious serial killer, or as he would like to call himself for an extra flare, cereal exterminator. (even the world’s baddest person can have a sense of humor). He’s known as The Silencer, his signature being a gruesomely drawn “X” on his victims’ lips in their own blood. Aside from the extra décor, he leaves no traces of himself behind after each killing, leaving the detectives working his case perpetually frustrated.

Many assume that The Silencer grew up in a bad home environment where he must have been abused as a child and other horrendous things bout in reality, Kyungsoo kills as a hobby, just like how his great grandfather played chess. Growing up, Kyungsoo had always been a good kid, keeping to himself, occasionally beating up kids twice his size when they made fun of his height (but always getting away with it) and lovingly rant at his pet turtle (which unfortunately passed away. Kyungsoo has recently purchased a new one and named it Baekhyun, one of his victims that he had been particularly fond of).

The reason why Kyungsoo started killing is a mystery to all but in actuality is a rather mundane story. Kyungsoo took Sociology 101 in his freshman year and in their first lecture, his professor waltzes in with a question on her lips.

“Good morning class! I have a question for you. Answer this: why do people do bad things like steal?”

The class gave typical answers like “they probably grew up in a bad family”, “they must have needed that thing very badly” and other sob stories that Kyungsoo couldn’t bother with. The professor nods along to each answer encouragingly until there is an awkward silence in the classroom.

“Those are all good answers but none of them actually answer my question. If I were to rephrase my question, it could be called a theory. Theories cannot be proven true, they can only be proven false,” she rambles on a bit about mechanisms, falsifiability and fertility but then she says something that Kyungsoo will never forget.

“Yes, you provided me with answers, rather stereotypical answers but we’ll get to stereotypes later. This theory is a great theory because it’s fertile, there can be endless possibilities as to why people do bad things. Heck, if someone is a serial killer, it might not be because they’ve been abused as a child or whatever Criminal Minds tells you. A serial killer could very well start killing people because it’s a hobby.”

This statement stuns Kyungsoo’s class into silence but on that day, gears started turning in Kyungsoo brain.

Why does Kyungsoo kill people? Kyungsoo kills people because he took Sociology 101.  
\---

 

Despite popular belief that serial killers are antisocial, Kyungsoo has a great amount of friends and acquaintances, some of which he may or may not of killed off for various reasons. Kyungsoo works as a barista in his local café and all his customers, co-workers, even his boss adores him. There’s something about the wide eye, owl look that makes them want to protect him. (Sometimes when Kyungsoo is alone at home, he laughs at the irony).

One bright and sunny day Kyungsoo is at the counter, humming a random tune as he wipes the countertops free of small coffee spills. The café is quiet, an odd time of 1:59 PM, after people’s lunch breaks and before rush hour. The bells attached to the front door jingle as someone tentatively pushes it open, peering around before stepping inside, waiting for the door to fully close before stepping inside.

“Welcome to The Rooster!” Kyungsoo beams at the new customer, heading back to his spot in front of the cash register. The stranger is tall with beautiful bronzed skin, his hair falling perfectly across his forehead. When he sees Kyungsoo, his eyes widen, a un-stereotypical blush blooming across high cheek bones. Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow but makes no comment on the strange behavior.

“H-Hi,” the stranger pauses and makes an over-exaggerated motion of looking at Kyungsoo nametag, “Kyungsoo! Um, you’re probably waiting for an order, oh god, didn’t think of that yet…” Kyungsoo lets out a chuckle. This fellow is really strange. He definitely has Kyungsoo’s undivided attention.

“Erm, ok, um, may I have a large iced Americano? With…um…sugar? Wait you put sugar in iced drinks right?”

At this, Kyungsoo lets out a full laugh. “If you want me to sure! Wait a moment, I’ll get that ready for you.”

As Kyungsoo prepares the stranger’s drink, he mulls over what he just saw. The strange is rather handsome, prominent full lips, strong eyebrows and overall beautiful facial structure. With a face like that he would expect the strange to be social adapt but the young man stutters like a teenage girl confessing to her high school crush for the very first time. Without a second though, Kyungsoo grabs a sharpie and scribbles his number on the bottom of the cup before bringing the cup to the strange young man.

“It seems you know my name but I don’t know yours,” Kyungsoo comments, giving him a small smile.

“A-Ah right! How rude of me. My name is Jongin, Kim Jongin.”

“Well Kim Jongin, I do hope I will be seeing more of you in the near future,” Kyungsoo says, slying tapping the bottom of the cup before handing it over to the bewildered Jongin. A little dazed, Jongin thanks Kyungsoo, pays for his drink (“Keep the change!”) before making his way out the door, the bells jingling lightly as the door moves.

Kyungsoo smirks to himself. This one is going to be interesting.  
\---

 

After Kyungsoo finishes his shift, his apartment greets him with the ping of his phone.

An unknown number flashes at the top of his screen. Excited, Kyungsoo opens the new text.

To: Kyungsoo  
From: Unknown Number  
hi Kyungsoo! it’s jongin, from the coffee shop earlier today. thanks for giving me your number! (●´∀｀●)

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at the emoji before quickly tapping the reply box before typing:

To: Unknown Number  
From: Kyungsoo  
Hey Jongin, no problem! I did say I wanted to see you soon right? ; )

To: Kyungsoo  
From: Jongin  
that’s really awesome because i want to see you soon too!

Kyungsoo can feel his serial killer instincts jumping for joy already.  
\---

 

Unexpectedly, over the next few weeks, Jongin manages to coerce Kyungsoo into being his partner in crime for pretty much every reckless thing he does in life.

“I can’t believe you’ve never been paintballing before,” Jongin yells from inside his protective gear, letting out a manly shriek when Kyungsoo nails him right in his plastic mask covered face.

“I can’t believe I haven’t been either, this is fun!” Kyungsoo replies with glee, hitting Jongin square in the chest before the other male could retaliate.

Jongin groans as his ducks for cover.

“You’re merciless!”

“Oh trust me, I’m just getting started.”  
\---

 

Kyungsoo goes on many of these “dates” with Jongin over the span of the next few months, abstaining from killing. This causes the whole country to be confused as to why The Silencer has not killed in a while. Kyungsoo would like to think that he’s planning the perfect way to kill Jongin but he knows, deep down, that is not the case.

Sometimes, when they’re out doing something fun, or even at each other’s apartments, Kyungsoo would catch Jongin staring at him. When Jongin realizes that he’s been caught, he blushes and looks away sometimes mumbling a half-assed excuse before changing the topic or diverting Kyungsoo’s attention back to whatever they were doing.

\---

 

A good two weeks later, Kyungsoo decides to man up and finally kill Jongin and get rid of all the weird feelings he experienced when he is around the other male.

Kyungsoo knows that Jongin has the appropriate cleaning materials that he uses to get rid of bloodstains and any evidence that he may leave at the crime scene. In fact, Jongin has almost the exact same materials Kyungsoo has back at his own apartment which pleases him.

Jongin is setting up the table for dinner, chatting mindlessly about his day to Kyungsoo with a goofy smile on his face. Once he turns his back to Kyungsoo however, the shorter male grabs the nearest heavy object (which turns out to be a really large watermelon that they harvested at a nearby farm together) and smashes it on the back of Jongin’s head. The watermelon shatters into multiple juicy pieces and it knocks Jongin out cold, his body crumpling to the ground.

Kyungsoo drags the kitchen chair into the nearest room without turning on the lights (he prefers to do things in the dark) and after finding some scissors and twine in Jongin’s drawer, he process to drag the unconscious man into the room as well.

It takes a while for him to tie Jongin to the chair but he manages. When he finishes, he stares at Jongin’s slumped silhouette, arms crossed and a frown adorning his face.

He usually waits for the victim to wake up before delivering his scary speech and eventually the final blow but he finds himself loosing patience.

“Hey, wake up,” Kyungsoo grunts gruffly, poking Jongin’s head. He only succeeds in making it shift slightly before stilling again.

Kyungsoo pokes Jongin again, this time, the other male stirring. He shifts in the chair, finally letting out a long groan.

“Uuuugh it feels like I have the worst hangover of liiiiife,” Jongin moans, his head lolling backwards for a moment before his neck uprights it again.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo starts with the scariest voice his can muster up. “We-“

“Kyungsoo?” Jongin cuts him off with a confused tone.

Kyungsoo sighs.

“Please don’t interrupt me Jongin.”

“Oops, sorry, my bad. But, um, can you turn on the light, I’m kinda scared of the dark.”

“Damn it Jongin I swear to-“

“PLEAAAAASEEE??”

“GOD, fine, oh my god why am I even doing this.”

Kyungsoo fumbles around for the light switch, tension thick in the air as they both cannot see in the darkness.

When the light is finally turned on, Kyungsoo lets out a disgruntled sound as he accidentally looks directly into the light bulb above. When his vision clears, from the dancing white dots, the sight in front of him makes him jump from surprise.

The walls all around the room are plastered with newspaper clippings, printed articles and pictures all relating to The Silencer. Kyungsoo takes in the scene in front of him before his eyes land on a sheepish Jongin, some blood and watermelon juice dripping from his head.

“Uh, I can explain?” Jongin tries, sound extremely unconvinced.

Kyungsoo stays silent and raises an eyebrow to prompt the other on.

“Well…um, to be honest, this all started when I accidentally…um how do I put this…stumbled across you killing someone?”

Kyungsoo chokes on air.

“OH NO I didn’t mean it that way, you covered your tracks very well, I wasn’t even supposed to be there at the time, it was an accident I swear.”

Jongin swallows thickly as Kyungsoo gives him a murderous glare.

“But ever since that night, I…uh…developed a slight obsession? For you? I never saw you again after that time but I tried to do as much research as possible. I just find it kinda interesting that you don’t seem to follow a pattern when you kill, why do you do it? I mean you don’t have to answer that I was just a little curious. When I saw you in the café that day I was so excited oh my GOD and then when you gave you your number… when we started hanging out I thought I was in heaven to be honest. I guess I sorta developed a crush on… you? But now I think it’s something else and…”

Jongin goes silent for a moment.

“You’re going to kill me now aren’t you,” he whimpers quietly, glancing at Kyungsoo with puppy eyes.

Kyungsoo rubs his temple, feeling a slight headache coming on.  
\---

 

“Hello and welcome to the nine o clock news with Oh Sehun. Our first news story is about the notorious Silencer who seems to be retiring from his gruesome hobby. A short note was found on Byun Baekhyun’s, one of his victims, grave by family members. It stated that he will no longer be killing and that he found something better to occupy his time. He boasted that the police will never be able to find him before ending his note with a series of dots and dashes that detectives deciphered to be Morse Code. The detectives have stated that it was nothing to be concerned about and they will continue looking into possibilities concerning the case.”

.. / .-.. --- ...- . / -.-- --- ..- / -.- .--- ..

 

links: [livejournal](http://kaithereal.livejournal.com/) . [listography](https://listography.com/kaithereal?m=6404158689) . [AFF](http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view_author_stories/728341/L)


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